


think of me and burn and let me hold your hand

by queen_ofdisaster



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:30:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5676208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_ofdisaster/pseuds/queen_ofdisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>six times balthazar and peter almost hold hands, and one time they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	think of me and burn and let me hold your hand

**Author's Note:**

> i have a few longer fics in the works, but i was hit with inspiration for this and had to write it. 
> 
> this is my first attempt at writing anything canon. i apologize for any inaccuracies! 
> 
> title from 'of the night' - bastille

**1.**

When Balthazar is nine, Meg tells him he should have a crush on Ursula because they're friends and Ursula's pretty.

Balthazar agrees easily. Maybe he does have a crush on Ursula. He doesn't know what a crush feels like, he's never had one before, not that he knows of. And Meg's right, Ursula's pretty and a great friend. Why wouldn't he have a crush on her?

They hold hands on the playground everyday for an entire week, but then Ursula must notice his indifference towards the whole thing because she tells him, "We don't have to hold hands if you don't wanna."

"Okay."

She drops his hand, and they go right back to normal.

Balthazar still doesn't know what a crush feels like, until he's 11 years old and put into Pedro Donaldson's class.

Balthazar overhears his older sisters talking about how cool boys in their class are. He never knew what that meant exactly. Being "cool". But the first time he sees Pedro, he figures it out.

Pedro Donaldson is the coolest person Balthazar's ever seen. He has a cool name. Cool hair. Cool clothes. Cool friends. The way he smiles and laughs, and makes everyone else around him do the same. He's just _cool_.

Balthazar can't stop looking at him when they're in the same room together. He spends all of class hoping Pedro will come over and talk to him. His heart races when they make eye contact.

The first time they speak, Mr. Andres has just asked them to go around and collect the class's homework for him.

"I'll get these tables, okay?" Peter says, taking a step towards the right side of the classroom.

"Okay," Balthazar says. He wants to say something else, something to make more of an impression, but his mind is blank.

Pedro smiles at him before he starts going around from table to table, and Balthazar doesn't stop thinking about that moment and that smile for the next few days.

Two weeks later (not that Balthazar was counting down the days and waiting or anything), they speak again.

"Hi," Pedro says as he approaches Balthazar's table.

Balthazar stares, wide-eyed. "Hi," he says back, for lack of anything better to say.

"You're friends with Meg, aren't you?" Pedro asks.

"Yeah."

"Does she like anyone?"

Balthazar feels nauseous suddenly and he doesn't know why. "Um, I'm not sure."

Pedro nods behind him, where two of his friends, Robbie and Claudio are sitting and watching them intently. "My friend Robbie likes her."

Balthazar is relieved, and again, he doesn't understand why. "Oh. Should I tell her?"

"Just see if she likes him back," Pedro tells him. Balthazar nods, and Pedro smiles at him again. This smile seems more genuine. It makes little crinkles appear by his eyes. Balthazar thinks his smile is really cute. "Thanks."

Balth tells Meg at lunch that Robbie has a crush on her, and she spends the entire time debating with Ursula and Hero if she likes him back or not. Balthazar tries to listen to them, but he can't stop thinking about Pedro.

He doesn't contribute much to the conversation, only speaking when Hero asks, "Are you sure Robbie _like_ likes her?"

Balthazar nods and smiles, smug. "Yeah, Pedro told me."

He's a little disappointed that they jump right into talking about Robbie. How aren't they as excited as him that Pedro Donaldson talked to him? Pedro Donaldson trusted him to pass along that important message to Meg. Maybe he'll even ask him for an update on Meg's feelings later. The anticipation of that potential conversation had Balthazar in a good mood all week.

Pedro never does ask him about Meg and Robbie again. Nothing ever comes of that, actually. Meg tells Robbie she doesn't like him yet, but maybe she'll change her mind.

The next time Pedro is that close to Balthazar, they don't speak at all, but it's Balthazar's favorite Pedro moment so far.

For a a game in class, they have to stand in a circle and hold hands. Balthazar grabs Hero's hand without hesitation as they start forming the circle. There's still an empty space on the other side of him as more and more people start getting in place.

He's looking at Ursula, who is on Hero's other side, about to say something to her when he feels someone's arm pressed against his. He turns and there's Pedro beside him.

Outside, he remains calm, but on the inside he's freaking out as he realizes he's about to hold Pedro's hand. Pedro must be able to sense Balthazar looking at him, because he turns, meets his eyes and smiles. Friendly, warm, beautiful. Just like every Pedro smile.

"Okay, everyone grab hands and we can start…" Mr. Andres says.

Balthazar's too scared to make the move for Pedro's hand. He knows he has to and it's only for a school game, but it's still terrifying for some reason.

Something kicks in his stomach as he watches Pedro look down at their hands and start to reach for Balthazar. Pedro's fingertips have just brushed against Balth's when…

"Pedro!" Claudio shouts from across the circle.

Balthazar and Pedro both look over. Balthazar sees an empty spot suddenly beside Claudio. Pedro grins. They must have wanted to be together but there was no room before, and someone must have moved. So Pedro had stood by Balthazar by default, not choice. Balth frowns.

He realizes he has his first crush as he watches Pedro rush across the circle and he can feel his fingertips tingling where he'd just barely touched them.

 

* * *

 

 

**2.**

"Do you remember last week, we were talking about Star Wars?" Pedro asks, looking down at Balthazar who was laying on the floor beside his bed, looking up at Pedro who was on the bed, stretched out on his stomach.

This is a regular thing now. Pedro hanging out at Balth's house after school and on the weekends, talking about everything and nothing, because it's four years later, and some miracle must have occurred because Pedro is Balthazar's best friend.

He doesn't know if he's Pedro's best friend. Pedro has a lot of friends. A lot of best friends. But Pedro is definitely Balth's. He has Ursula and Hero, too. And of course there's Meg, Ben, Claudio and the others. But, Pedro's always been special to Balthazar.

The crush maybe made him a bit biased. (He has a boyfriend now. Damien. So maybe he shouldn't so freely admit to himself that he still has a crush on Pedro. There should probably be some guilt there, but there's not. He feels how he feels.)

"Yeah?" Balthazar asks. They'd watched The Empire Strikes Back and talked on and off about it for hours, so he wasn't sure what part of the conversation Pedro was referring to.

"And we were talking about Han Solo and Leia," Pedro continues. Balthazar notices that his voice isn't as sure as it usually is. Balth's not sure he's ever seen Pedro nervous before, but he thinks this is what it looks like. "And I was like, ha ha, yeah of course she likes that he's a scoundrel."

"Yeah…" Balth knows where this is going, but he'll let Pedro finish.

"And I was like, who wouldn't want to kiss Han Solo?"

"Yeah."

"Did you think I was joking?" Pedro asks. "Please don't say 'yeah' again."

Balth sits up. "I wasn't going to. I didn't think you were joking."

Pedro sits up, too, crossing his legs underneath him on the bed. "Okay… because I wasn't. I never am."

"Never joking about what?" Balthazar pushes, gently, as he gets up to sit on the bed across from Pedro.

"When I talk about kissing guys and stuff," Pedro shrugs. "You know I'm serious?"

Balth's been listening to Pedro make comments like that for almost two years. Offhand remarks about guys being hot, about making out with certain celebrities or fictional characters, never specifying gender when they talked about dating and sex. There's been a lot of things that make Balthazar hopeful, but he's never been one to assume anything about anyone.

"I kind of thought you were," Balthazar says. "I wasn't sure though."

Pedro's silent for a moment, picking at a string coming from Balth's blanket. Balth doesn't say anything either, just lets Pedro gather his thoughts and take his time.

"I don't think I'm gay," he says after a few moments. "I mean, I definitely like girls. But…"

"You like guys, too?" Balth asks. There's a pause, then Pedro nods. Balthazar wants to scream, but not in a bad way.

"I think so, anyway," Pedro says. "I'm still kind of sorting it out. Coming to terms with it, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, of course. You don't need to figure it out right now."

Pedro nods. "Hey, um, I haven't talked to anyone else about this, so -"

"I won't say anything," Balthazar promises him. Even if Pedro hadn't said anything, Balthazar wouldn't have told anyone. He was great at keeping secrets.

"Thanks, Balthy," Pedro says. "You're the best, bro."

He smiles at him, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. It's not like his usual smiles. The smiles that make Balth feel all warm and fuzzy inside, that are welcoming and bright. This one looks a lot forced, a little unsure. He still looks nervous.

Pedro's hands are lying on the bed between them, and Balth stares at them for a moment. His finger twitches with the urge to reach out and grab one, or both, of Pedro's hands. Maybe that affection would comfort him, or make him feel better even in the slightest.

He starts to reach forward, but then his phone starts to ring. Pedro is just by the nightstand, so he turns and grabs it. He glances at the caller ID before tossing it into Balth's hands.

"The boyfriend," he announces before Balth can look for himself. "I'll get out of here. Don't wanna intrude."

Balth stares at Damien's name on the screen and then back up at Pedro, who's wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. He looks to be back to his normal self, but Balthazar still has to force a laugh.

"You don't have to," he says, trying to stop Pedro from leaving, but he's already slipped his shoes back on and is standing up.

"Nah, it's cool," Pedro says, shrugging on his jacket. "Gonna meet up with Ben anyway. Text you later?"

"Yeah…"

Pedro grins at him before he walks out of the room, leaving Balthazar with nothing but the noise of his phone.

He stares at it until it stops ringing.

 

* * *

 

 

**3.**

"Bro, you fucking crushed it," Pedro says, rushing over and grabbing Balthazar by the shoulders the second he steps away from the mic.

Balth looks down, humble and bashful, but he can still feel Pedro's eyes on him. "Yeah, that wasn't half bad," he shrugs.

"Balthazar, you were amazing," Pedro says and Balthazar hears the sincerity in his voice. He looks up then, and the look in Pedro's eyes is so genuine that Balthazar's breath catches in his throat. He's tempted to look away again.

Pedro has always has been his biggest fan when it came to his music. Encouraging him to write more, always listening to his new songs, pushing him to have more gigs, telling him he should upload stuff online. He's considering doing that, but for now, just playing for a small coffee shop is nervewracking for him. He's not sure if he's ready for the entire world to hear him just yet.

He remembers the first time he ever played something for Pedro and that was terrifying - because he was nervous to play anything for him, but even more so because the song was about Pedro.

It hadn't been glaringly obvious, a fairly vague song about unrequited love. Maybe someone else would have caught on, but Pedro had a habit of being oblivious sometimes, especially when it came to Balthazar it seemed.

The songs he plays are still, mostly, about Pedro. He's taken to writing songs for his other friends, too, and just about life in general. But primarily, he writes about Pedro.

He sings these songs at all of his gigs as Pedro sits in the front row without a damn clue that those words are for him.

Balthazar follows Pedro and slides into a seat at the table Pedro and the others were gathered around. Not everyone had made it out to his gig, but Pedro had, of course, as well as Ben, Meg and Ursula - who had filmed his entire set.

"Are you going to let me upload this?" she asks as she turns the camera off and puts it away now that he's through.

Balthazar pauses. "I dunno…"

"Dude, you should," Pedro encourages. "The world deserves to see the greatness that is Balthazar Jones."

Balthazar feels his face turning red. Compliments from Pedro often did that to him. "I'll think about it."

Back up at the mic, the coffee shop employee's announcing the next performer. A girl named Julia, who Balthazar's met a couple of times in the past when they'd performed at the same places. She has a few original songs, but usually she plays acoustic covers of popular pop or rock songs. She slows them down and makes them sound almost more romantic in a way. Balthazar's a fan.

"I think I'm gonna go stand over there," Balth tells his friends, nodding towards Julia. "I want to listen to her."

As soon as he's standing up, so is Pedro. "I'll come, too," he says.

There's a group of people huddled around where the mic is set up in the shop, getting a better view of the performers. Pedro had stood there when Balth played, and now they were stood there together.

Julia took another moment to finish setting up her keyboard, and then introduced herself before going right into a cover of an Arctic Monkeys' song.

Balth smiles to himself. He doesn't need to turn around and look behind him to know that Meg is loving it. He always feels better about his friends coming to his gigs when there are other performances that he'll know they'll enjoy. Like it's not such a waste of their time.

Whenever has a solo gig, he often tells them they don't have to come. His friends come so often that he knows they have to be tired of it by now. He plays the same songs nearly every time, with one or two new additions to the set every few months once he's happy with a new song.

Pedro's the only person Balthazar never tells not to come. He used to, until Pedro seemed to get upset about it.

"You don't want me there?" he'd asked, looking offended and a little wounded.

"Of course I do. That's not -"

"Then I'm coming. I always want to see you play, Balth."

And that had been the end of that. Pedro was there even when no one else came. He'd maybe missed two or three, out of the dozens of gigs Balth had done, and it was never because he hadn't wanted to be there. Balthazar really appreciates that.

_Dreamt about you nearly every night this week_  
_How many secrets can you keep?  
_ _'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat until I fall asleep_

Balthazar feels Pedro's eyes on him, and he glances back at him out of the corner of his eyes. Pedro flashes him a smile, then quickly looks away, focused on Julia again. Balth studies Pedro's profile for a few seconds before looking away, worried Pedro will catch him staring, but also knowing it wouldn't matter if he did. Pedro's caught Balthazar staring at him too many times to count, and he always just smiles back at him like it's nothing. He never says anything.

Balthazar still has no idea if it's because Pedro's that oblivious to his crush, or he's just being nice by not mentioning it.

_Do I wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?_  
_Sad to see you go. Was sort of hoping that you'd stay.  
_ _Baby we both know that the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can't say tomorrow day_

The love song playing combined with Pedro standing so close to him isn't doing Balthazar any favors. He feels guilty sometimes, thinking some of the things he does about Pedro. They're just friends, and friends don't daydream about kissing and holding hands with their other friends. That's not a simply friendly thing.

Pedro probably wouldn't be mad, Balth knows that, but still. He doesn't want to make him feel weird by letting him know that every time their shoulders brushed, like they are now, he has the urge to lean into him even more and pull Pedro's arm around him.

Or he has the urge to grab his hand whenever their hands bump - like they're doing now.

_So have you got the guts?_  
_Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so, I wanna know what time it shuts_  
_Simmer down and pucker up  
_ _I'm sorry to interrupt, it's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you_

He feels Pedro's knuckles graze his own, and the movement is so slow and careful that Balthazar can't help questioning if it was an accident or not.

It probably was.

He stretches his own fingers, trying to shake off the urge to slide his fingers through Pedro's. He moves his hand away by an inch, only for Pedro's hand to bump his again only moments later.

Maybe it _was_ intentional.

_I don't know if you feel the same as I do  
_ _But we could be together if you wanted to_

Balthazar can feel Pedro looking at him again. Not just a stolen glance either. Pedro's eyes don't leave Balthazar's face. Balthazar glances out of the corner of his eye at him, just to confirm this, before quickly adverting his gaze ahead.

He swallows hard. His heart's racing. If he'd thought singing in front of all these people would be the most nerve wrecking moment of the night, he'd been terribly mistaken. This was. Trying to decide if he should grab Pedro's hand or not, and then trying to work up to the courage to do so.

He doesn't hear the rest of the song. It's just background noise to the screaming thoughts in his mind. Pedro was purposely knocking their hands together, wasn't he? Maybe the first two times had been accidental, but the third?

Unless it's just in Balth's head. That's a total possibility. He's imagining what he wants - and what he wants is to hold Pedro's hand.

The song ends. Pedro lifts his hands to clap. The moment passed.

Balthazar claps, too, and doesn't make eye contact with Pedro for the rest of the set.

 

* * *

 

 

**4.**

Balth's not mad at Pedro anymore. He was never really mad at him, exactly. Just… disappointed in him.

"Jesus, you sound like my mum when she's angry with me," Pedro had groaned when Balthazar told him that to his face. He knew no one liked being told that, but it was true.

Pedro had done a shitty thing, but Balthazar knew how sorry he felt about everything. They hadn't talked for awhile, with Balthazar firmly on Hero's side of things. But Pedro apologized to Balth once, and just like that, they were friends again. It didn't take much for Balthazar to forgive Pedro - it never had.

By the time the "apology party" rolls around (he doesn't know why Pedro keeps calling it that, but he'll go with it), most everyone seems to have forgiven Pedro - with the exception of Beatrice, but she'd come around. Balth knows it. But Pedro still doesn't seem back to his usual self. The only time he seems back to normal is when it's just the two of them.

That's why when Pedro asks him to go outside with him, Balth thinks it's just to get away from the interrogation-esque vibes that are in that room with Ben and John. (For a moment, he thinks he sees something on Pedro's face. Some look that might suggest more, but he rids that thought from his mind quickly. He's surely imagining it.)

"You alright?" Balth asks as soon as the door is safely shut behind them.

"Yeah, I'm…" Pedro starts, then stops. He smiles at Balthazar, and there's that look again. "I wanted to ask you something, actually."

"Ask me what?" Balth asks, keeping a surprisingly cool exterior despite the fact that he was screaming on the inside. 

Balth looks down just in time to see Pedro's hand moving forward, a bit slowly, maybe cautiously is the right word. He looks back up as Pedro starts speaking again.

"It's about what -"

"Um, Pedro," come's Beatrice's voice as she calls as she comes up the stairs and spots them in the hallway. "Can we talk?"

Pedro had just touched the side of Balth's hand, his fingers starting to curl around his hand, but pulls away as soon as he hears Beatrice.

Balthazar pulls his jacket sleeves over his hands and takes a step back.

"I think it'd be good, if we talked," Beatrice says.

Pedro nods. "Yeah. We should. Um…" He looks behind him at Balthazar. "We'll talk later?"

Balthazar smiles and nods. "Yeah, go. I'll be around."

Pedro holds his gaze for another second before giving him a smile, then turning to follow Beatrice downstairs.

Pedro and Bea really did need to talk, so Balthazar wasn't upset. Just a little disappointed, especially when him and Pedro never did talk later.

 

* * *

 

 

**5.**

"Hey, hey," Balthazar whispers. "Shhh. Freddie and Ben are asleep."

"I'll be quiet," says Pedro - no, not Pedro anymore. Peter.

Peter says he'll be quiet, but he's not lowering his voice any. He's still just as loud as he had been when he'd banged on the front door of their flat because he'd forgotten his key, and then came stumbling inside once Balth opened it just moments later (he hadn't been sleeping anyway - not that he was waiting up for Peter or anything).

Peter has a good few inches of size advantage on Balthazar, so it's not an easy task holding him up and trying to carry him to his bedroom. Not when he's practically deadweight, not helping Balthazar out at all.

Balthazar wishes he could say this was the first time this has happened, and he just magically knows what to do. But no, this has become a practiced skill of his. He's become a pro at taking care of drunk Peter in the last few months in Wellington.

Peter tries to push his bedroom door open without turning the knob and when it doesn't open immediately, he punches it. Not hard enough to leave a hole or any actual damage, but hard enough to cause a loud noise.

"Peter, be quiet," Balthazar tells him again.

"Fuck this door," Peter says, trying to kick it now, but Balth is already pushing it open.

"Pete," Balth pleads. "Ben and Fred-"

"Fuck them, too," Peter murmurs.

Peter's not always a nice drunk.

Balthazar guides Peter inside, where he immediately falls into his bed and lays on his back. He's quiet for a few moments, which Balthazar's thankful for. He pulls Peter's shoes from his feet for him and he would help undress him more for bed, but he knows that's a bad idea.

He thinks Peter's fallen asleep, until he puts a hand on his arm and tries to roll him over, only for Peter to open his eyes and glare up at him. He yanks his arm away from Balth's touch.

"Stop it," he tells him. "Don't need you to fucking baby me."

Balthazar sighs. "I'm not babying you, Pete. Just trying to roll you over onto your side."

"You think I can't do that by myself?" Pete asks. He turns onto his side, positioning his head onto his pillow. "I can fucking do it."

"I know, I just -" Balth starts, only to be cut off.

"You just think I'm a big mess, just like Ben and Freddie," Peter accuses him. "They judge me. So do you."

Balth shakes his head. "Peter, I'd never."

That was true. Balthazar had never judged Peter. Not when they were thirteen and Peter had been afraid of getting on the water ride at the amusement park. Not when they were seventeen and that Hero thing happened. Not now, when Peter was coming home drunk every night, usually not alone.

"You're judging me right now," Peter points a finger at him. "With those eyes. Those pitying eyes."

"Pete…" Balthazar reaches out and puts his hand on top of Peter's. "I'm worried about you, that's all."

Balth feels Peter's fingers tense up then move upwards slightly underneath his hand, and for a moment he thinks Peter's actually going to let Balthazar hold his hand.

It was too good to be true. Instead, Peter scoffs and shakes Balthazar's hand off of his. "Fuck off. I don't need you to hold my hand. I don't _want_ you to. Go away, Balthazar."

Balthazar takes a step back. "Peter," he tries again, one last attempt.

"Go away!" Peter shouts, and Balthazar listens this time.

He shuts the door quietly behind him. He stands there for a second, listening to see if Peter gets up, maybe tries to escape through his window or something. There's only silence on the other side.

Peter doesn't need Balthazar to hold his hand - he's made that perfectly clear. And yet…

Balthazar doesn't know how to stop wanting to hold it. Not just literally, either. He wants to take care of Peter. He wants to be there for him. He knows he shouldn't. Knows what Peter's has said to him. A huge part of Balthazar wishes he didn't love Peter as much as he did, and he's trying to get over him. He's trying desperately. But he's not sure if he ever will, not fully. That's probably what's best for him, but he doesn't know how to make it happen.

Thirty minutes later when Balthazar slowly pushes open Peter's door to set a glass of water, plate of toast and a few pain relievers on his nightstand, Peter is fast asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

**6.**

Ninety percent of the time, the flat challenges and punishments were fun. Well, the challenges were always fun. But none of Balthazar's punishments had been particularly enjoyable. No, those had been terrible and humiliating.

Other people's punishments, however. Sometimes those were fun. Like John and Peter's bubble bath.

It's been hard for Balthazar to truly enjoy anything lately, especially where Peter was concerned, but as he watched John smash bubbles into Peter's face, Balth couldn't help but crack a smile. Though it didn't help that Peter looked ridiculously good with wet hair. It wasn't fair.

Everyone fled the bathroom once Peter and John got out of the tub, no one wanting to get touched by either of them in fear of getting wet, too. Ben and Freddie took off back to the living room, and John went to Peter's room to get some pajamas from his bag. Peter shook his head like a wet dog, trying to dry off.

Balthazar, who'd been slow to exit the room, got hit with the spray.

"Sorry," Peter apologizes, eyes wide, like he'd actually done something awful and not just got a few drops of water on Balth.

"Yeah, it's alright," Balthazar says. "You should probably just use a towel, though."

Peter laughs. "Probably."

There's one folded on top of the sink, and they both reach for it at the same time. Balth has his fingers curled around the towel, and Peter has his curled around Balth's hand. They both freeze.

Finally, Balth pulls his hand away. He smiles awkwardly, not meeting Peter's eyes as he passes the towel to him.

"I'll go and let you get changed," Balth says, not waiting for any sort of response before exiting the bathroom.

After everything that's happened, especially after that kiss or almost kiss or whatever it was, Balth's never been more confused about his feelings for Peter. He knows he's in love with him, that's never changed. But he has no idea where to go from there.

He also knows that Peter's hand on his still sends tingles through his fingertips and warms up his entire body, and he's never stopped wanting to hold his hand.

 

* * *

 

**1.**

Balth is pretty sure there's some sort of argument taking place behind him, because he can hear Beatrice and Ben talking, but he's too lost in his own little world to make sense of what's being said. His and _Peter's_ own little world. He can't believe there's a them now. He's wanted this for so long, he's letting himself be selfish for once. He's not going to worry about what's happening around him. He's going to have his moment. 

He presses his face into Peter's neck as he clings to him, his fingers gripping the back of his shirt like he's afraid this moment will slip away from him. Like maybe it's not even real.

_"I love you."_

_"I kind of love you, too."_

_"Kind of?"_

_"Kind of a lot, yeah."_

Had they really just said those words to each other? Peter Donaldson loved him. Peter Donaldson had kissed him. Peter Donaldson is smiling against his shoulder, his arms wrapped tight around him.

None of that sounds real to Balthazar, and yet there they were.

Peter pulls away first, but he doesn't go far. They're still wrapped around each other. He rests his forehead against Balth's, and Balth is pretty sure he could live in this moment forever and never tire of it.

"I love you," Balthazar says. He said it before, but he wants to say it properly. No 'kind of' this time. Peter deserves to hear it, and a smile lights up his face as he does. Balthazar's proud of himself for being the cause of that smile.

"I love you, too," Peter says before kissing him again.

The first kiss had ended shortly, Balthazar too overwhelmed by it. But this time he lets it linger. He's waited so long for this moment, he wants to cherish it. He wants to remember every drag of Peter's lips against his own, wants to remember how Peter tastes, how his lips feel soft and warm.

Maybe one day, the memories of all their other kisses will push this one away, but Balthazar thinks he'll be okay with that as long as there are more kisses to come. With the way Peter can't stop smiling as they kiss, so genuinely happy and a little disbelieving (a look mirroring the one on Balthazar's face), Balthazar feels pretty certain that there will be.

This kiss is only broken when Peter looks up, the smile on his face dimming as Ben storms inside. Balthazar takes a step back, looking around the deck at everyone.

Fred is standing there awkwardly holding mugs of hot cocoa. Costa is standing behind Jaquie, who has the camera aimed at Fred. Kit has his arm around Freddie's shoulders. Meg is comforting Beatrice.

"Cocoa, Beatrice?" Fred offers, not knowing what's happened, but noticing the obvious sadness on her face.

She shakes her head. "I need to be alone," she says, walking around him and into the house.

Everyone stands there, not knowing what to do now that Ben and Beatrice have both stormed off. "Should we go after them?" Meg asks. Everyone mumbles their agreements.

Meg runs inside first, presumably following Beatrice to her guest room. Freddie and Kit follow, and Balth can only guess that Freddie will be going out the front door, after Ben. The others enter a bit slower behind them.

Peter and Balthazar start to follow the lead of their friends, heading back inside. As they walk side by side, Balth bumps Peter's hand with his. Peter's quick to respond, intertwining their fingers. Their hands connected, Peter stops just outside the sliding glass door.

As he glances down at their hands, there's an awestruck expression on his face. Balth's sure his is the same as he stares at Peter.

"Holy shit," Peter says through a breathy laugh. His thumb runs over Balth's hand. Balth squeezes Peter's hand in response. Peter looks up at him. "We finally got here, didn't we?"

Balthazar can't contain his grin. He nods. "Yeah. Yeah, we did."

Peter tugs on Balth's hand, pulling him against him. "About damn time," he says, then kisses him.

About damn time. Balthazar couldn't agree more.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ petersdonaldson. as always, kudos and comments are appreciated and welcomed!


End file.
